easy.lucky.free

shining down

i’m returning to the world of tumblr.  or trying to at some point?

bruce mau knows all

reading maeda.  actually missing design school.  dreaming of grad school.  wanting some answers. (and most likely looking in all the wrong places)

“Stop saving the world, unless you actually are”

Right now, I’m not.  I’m not trying to.  I’m conscious of my decisions and aware of my impact but I am also a recent graduate trying to find a place in this world.

So many things on the mind..

I’ve realized….

…that I can influence others and broaden their horizons.  The reverse is also true.

…I valued very different things before and after SCAD.

…it is not about the amount of money you have made but the amount of lives you have touched.

…my dog has more love to give than most people in this world.

…that I have changed, but the people around me may or may have not changed.  People move at their own pace.

…that the people i thought mattered, led me to the people who really do matter.

continuing education?

taking a dreamweaver class tomorrow. gonna learn me how to build some internets. woot. this should be interesting.

lower your eyes to die with the sun

I can’t sleep.  Tonight I found out that a fellow ID’ed and SCAD 09 grad passed away this morning.  I did not know him well, but I had classes with him.  In winter of 08, we took contextual research.  He was absent for the first week of classes.  When he returned there were whispers that he had a tumor removed.  I never had any idea, until tonight, how serious his condition really was.

While I may not always have understood him, I really respect his bravery and strength.  At SCAD he never showed any sign of weakness or of sickness.  He did not play the sick card at all.  I saw him at graduation at the end of May, about two and a half months ago and he looked absolutely normal to me.

I found out tonight that he has been fighting a very aggressive form of cancer for some time now.  He was in remission for awhile but it came back, in his brain and in his lungs.  This young man had to have a shunt put in his head to receive chemo.  I cannot imagine being a 20 something, fresh out of college and having to go through an experience like that.   To be on the brink of really forging out your life path and lose it all to such a horrible disease in unfathomable.  But, it happened.

Looking back on my experiences with this person, I wish I had tried harder to get to know them beyond the superficial.  Now I understand why he lived the way he lived and why he was the way he was.  He pushed himself to be the best.  He was active, running, going on road trips.  Some people only exist.  While he only had a little over 20 years on this earth, he really lived those years.  I see know that he understood quality over quantity.

I regret that I did not know Will better, but I will always admire the strength I never knew he possessed until tonight.

Most Beautiful Plague

I dont get it. maybe i was born without the marriage gene or something..  

more and more of my friends are getting married, knocked up, ect.  I’ve never felt or understood the rush to do this.  in fact ive never felt the urge to do this at all.  pregnancy and pregnant woman gross me out.  I don’t ever see my self planning a wedding or having kids.  sure i may get married, but if that days comes, it will be on my terms.  and as far as kids go, i have a dog.  that is all the kid i will ever need or want.  maybe one day i’ll even get a duck.  

back to the topic.  what is this rush to settle down?  i cant imagine buying a house right now or feeling that tied down to any single place.  sure, i love decatur and could stay here for a long time but i’m not ready or willing to put down any real roots.  

maybe i don’t even understand the concept of marriage beyond getting a tax break.  if youre with someone, youre with them.  why do we need to legally bond ourselves together and create a paper trail mess?  in some cases, yes, i can understand.. shes a gold digger/one person goes in with a ton of money, ect… other than that, what is the big deal besides protecting your own assets [ass] and “showcasing your [decorating skills, or lack thereof] true love” to 500 of your closest (facebook) friends. 

i just dont get it.  

i am not in possession of this person, nor are they in possession of me.  this may be the person i choose to spend my life, my time, my thoughts with.  its not about ownership or what one person is “owed”, it is about trust, love and sharing.  if it becomes about anything other than that, it may be time to re-evaluate.  

i guess i just find marriage to be a bullshit term and more importantly, ideal.  as i see more and more people i know screaming out through their facebooks… “look how happy i am! im married! life is perfect! yayy,”  i just want to remind them that life is so much more than planning your “perfect” day.  you have just contractually bound yourself to a person.  and while contracts can be cancelled, it is not a fun or easy process.  

in the south there is just this huge pressure/expectation to go to college, meet your sig.other, get engaged, get married, pop out a kid and have this white picket fence life. and i for one, want this to change.  yes, ive always felt/thought/been a little different than the crowd… but i don’t find this to be wrong. 

i’m not against relationships.  i have been in my current one for almost a year.  i’m against stupidity and showboating.  i’m against looking for this perfect ideal of a life, rushing into something stupid and then ending up 30+ and miserable.  or even as a early 20’s divorcee as many of my friends are now becoming. 

life is not perfect.  there is not right, textbook answer.  listen to anyone you can. pick up new things.  find a passion, find your creativity and find your own way, not the way others think you should go.  

do stupid things.  do not do contractually binding stupid things. 

listening to a band named after a camera trick…

and waiting.